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Pacific Division Power Rankings
The After Halloween Edition
11/2/14 - By Ryan Hall -

Well, the candy is piled high in bowls, the costumes are put away for another year, and sudden onset diabetes is about to strike; yup it's the day after Halloween! While last night was definitely filled with fun, Trick or Treater's weren't the only ones getting up to some shenanigans!

Even though it isn't a sugar hangover, Pacific Division teams are still waking up to face the inevitable question: "What happened last night?" For some it was a horror movie, while others simply didn't want the ride to end. With that in mind, and before all the fog clears, let's take a look into the fevered dreams that plagued the 7 squads out West.

#1 - Anaheim Ducks (Zombie Apocalypse)

It's a virtual toss up here at the start between the Kings and Ducks, but the edge goes to Anaheim for the quality of nightmare that plagues their dreams: shambling hordes of mindless bodies. This hits so close to home due to nagging fear that perhaps the Ducks themselves have already been infected by this virus, and that last Sunday's melee (where Anaheim lost their minds) is a harbinger of things to come. If it is, and the Ducks continue to get baited into stupid retaliation, then the nightmare may only be just beginning.

Last Ranking: 2

#2 - Los Angeles Kings (Sudden Aging)

Like a young horror movie starlet, the Kings both look the part and walk the walk. Similarly, they also fear the inevitable forces of aging, making their bad dreams centered on losing their youth. Sadly, like the vampires in the cult classic The Hunger, LA is already surviving solely by feeding on the young talent on their roster. In fact, on the active roster only Jeff Carter has managed to score more than 1 goal while also being over the age of 22. Should that young blood run dry the Kings are in for a rapid, and painful, demise.

Last Ranking: 1

#3 - Vancouver Canucks (Hallucinations)

When the Canucks tuck themselves into bed at night, the one thought that robs them of sleep is: 'Please let this be real'. After a season of shame, Vancouver unbelievably finds themselves back where they were 2 years ago, challenging LA and Anaheim for the Pacific Division crown. But is this really happening? Have the Canucks found their game again? Or is this just the figment of a broken mind, one clinging desperately to a happier past to avoid a ghastly present? It's enough to drive a Canuck crazy!!

Last Ranking: 4

#4 - San Jose Sharks (Dismemberment)

Who can't relate to the primal fear that would come from dreaming about being sliced apart? For the Sharks though, this digs deeper as they can't afford to lose members of their current roster. But wait? A person can live without an arm? Or a leg? Surely the Sharks could handle 1 or 2 injuries? Sadly, the roster is so thin that any lengthy absence would mean disaster. And that's not even talking about losing a Top 6 scorer! So please, keep the chainsaw far, far away.

Last Ranking: 3

#5 - Edmonton Oilers (Being Haunted)

For the first time in years, there was joy in E-town. The Oilers were winning, and merriment was being had by all. But what is the noise? Is that clanking upstairs? The rattling of chains? No matter how many strides forward Edmonton takes, they just can't seem to escape the ghosts of their past - you know the poor goaltending, no defense lack of effort poltergeists. Until they find a way to exorcise those demons, the Oilers won't get any real rest.

Last Ranking: 5

#6 - Calgary Flames (They're already dead)

You could make a strong case that the Flames should be higher on this list, but the sad reality is that corpses just can't rank about live bodies. Discrimination? Perhaps, but the despite their work ethic the Flames fate for this season has already been written: they are going to finish Top 10 in the Draft Lottery. That might not be a bad thing, but for the players themselves it's undoubtedly frightening to know that no matter how hard they struggle and fight, it really doesn't matter.

Last Ranking: 6

#7 - Arizona Coyotes (Masked Killers)

It almost isn't fair, but the Coyotes are currently living their nightmare. Masked killers continue to bludgeon the life out of this hockey team, as they quite simply can't score on any goaltender. And so game after game the Arizona has to face their worst fear, as their pop-gun offense makes every stopper in the league look like a Vezina candidate. Even worse, unlike the other Pacific Division teams, this nightmare is real and shows no sign of ending. The only thing left to do is for Arizona to simply give up, and try to meet this demise with some shred of dignity.

Last Ranking: 7

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