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Sharks unveil new goal song
San Jose to overhaul marketing approach
4/1/15 - By Mike Lee -

As the playoffs approach, the Sharks put one of their pressing needs to bed on Friday when they unveiled their new goal song. Executive Vice President and Chief Sales and Marketing Officer Flavil Hampsten announced that the Sharks are adopting the Helen Reddy anthem "I am Woman" to celebrate every goal the Sharks score. Insiders have attributed the lack off an inspiring goal song as the reason the Sharks have struggled mightily on home ice this season.

With an eye on attracting more women fans this season, Reddy's trademark song is seen as a way to attract the career minded (and more importantly heavily funded) female fan with its empowering message.

Who can relate to the lyrics better than a Sharks fan.

I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I know too much to go back an' pretend
'Cause I've heard it all before
And I've been down there on the floor
No one's ever gonna keep me down again

Hampsten suggested that the Sharks would lean on more female fan friendly promotions and on-ice traditions. The Sharks have already submitted a proposal to have tie-down straps removed from player jerseys, so that when to players fight, the jersey is more likely to be removed. Players would not be allowed to wear undershirts, thereby exposing more flesh when jerseys are pulled off.

In order to guarantee more skin for the ladies, players will award only female fans with game worn jerseys on Fan Appreciation Night, but they will present their sweaters only wearing jock straps. All roster players from Europe would be exempt from the requirement, as their physiques are considered to girl-like and would counter the intent of the promotion.

Following home wins, players will move away from their traditional stick salute, and instead will blow kisses to female fans in the stands.

The shift toward the female market does have its advantages. A source inside the team said that a change was necessary given all the empty seats this season.

"Women don't care about winning, so we elected to focus on a demographic that would be more likely to renew season tickets year after year," said the source.

In order make the ice more appealing to the ladies, the team will add "facial appearance" as a qualifier in all future scouting. That does not bode well for players like Roman Polak and Brent Burns.

SAP Center concessions are poised to debut the Shark-a-rita and the Barracooler wine spritzer at what were formerly beer vending stations. Food options will be feature longer and girthier hot dogs.

The 25th Anniversary season will be capped with an Alumni Night featuring former Shark Mike Ricci, who was voted the "Denver's Sexiest Man" when he played for the Colorado Avalanche. While he will attend Fan Appreciation night, Ricci rejected Hampsten's proposal to feature him in a kissing booth on the concourse.

San Jose attempted to have Reddy come sing her feminist anthem live at SAP Center, but the 74-year old singer did not want to encroach on "Dionne Warwick Territory." Friends close to the Australian say that Reddy is protesting wage disparity in the United States, and feels that the Silicon Valley has done little to offset the disparity in salaries between men and women.

Reddy considered preventing the Sharks from using her song at all, but then realized that she hadn't collected any royalties on it in over 30 years. Sharks GM Doug Wilson was kept out of contract negotiations with Reddy's camp, as Sharks owner Hasso Plattner was afraid Wilson would overpay Reddy for the rights to the song.

Plattner was leaning toward the David Hasselhoff hit "Wir zwei allein" as the new goal song, but it didn't resonate with American fans, although it did test well with female fans aged 50 to 60.


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