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Christmas gift ideas
There's something for everyone
12/13/06 - By Ken Smyth

Having a hard time shopping for that hockey somebody? Here's some ideas-

Joe Thornton- $1000 every time somebody asks him one of those "what's it like to play in the laid back Bay Area/California versus hockey-mad Boston/Northeast" questions. (Put the money in an account he'll collect after ten years with the Sharks. With normal interest it will be worth billions)

Sharks GM Doug Wilson- extended no-hassles returns on anything and everything; including and especially trades with the Chicago Blackhawks

Sharks Coach Doug Wilson- gift card for Eli Thomas menswear, a roll of quarters to drop into Ville Nieminen,

Mark Bell: A trip to Hollywood to meet with Mel Gibson's lawyer. (Mark: if you see Nicole Ritchie buy her dinner- make sure she eats it)

Scott Parker- a seat on the bench, someplace, instead of the pressbox

Phoenix Coyotes: A new marketing slogan. "Decade in the Desert" suggests like they're lost like Moses for another thirty years. (My over/under is only seventeen.) Runner-up slogans were even worse: "Hockey-Doggie Style", and "Coyotes Territory- Yellow Ice Ahead"

Los Angeles Kings: A new marketing slogan to commemorate their 40th season. "It's Not Like We're Not Trying" was rejected as too wordy and hard to prove. Other suggestions included "Kings Hockey- 'cause NBA Tickets are Hard to Get" and "Kings Hockey- Rebuilding Since 1967"

Matt Carle and Marc-Edouard Vlasic: a year's supply of unlisted cell phone numbers.

NY Islanders coach Ted Nolan: finishing ahead of the Rangers (like any Isles coach), beating the Red Wings and Dominic Hasek on January 30th

For newly-ex St. Louis Blues coach Mike Kitchen: help with the U-Haul, a few weeks in Florida, and a meeting with Panthers GM Jacques Martin

For newly hired St. Louis Blues coach Andy Murray- help with the U-Haul, and a goaltender. A therapist to help him get in touch with his inner Mike Keenan. Drafting a Staal brother or a Sutter cousin.

The Philadelphia Flyers: Re-do their fan club member rules- change the 250 pound weight limit to a MAXIMUM.

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